So I've been thinking...

This past year or so has been a challenge to me. I've let myself become weary of the very things and opportunities I've longed for, and developed a rotten inward attitude. I'm just tired of it. Most of it doesn't matter. I worry, fret, or get anxious about the most ridiculous things. I want to go back to enjoying the beauty of life that God has given me now, and long for the amazing life yet to come!

I've done a lot of thinking, praying, and reading. I'm very self-centered and self-focused lately, but I'm not happy with it. In fact, the more I think about and ponder myself, the more anxious, depressed and grouchy I become! So, I've decided to change.

God had been good, merciful, and gracious to me. I want to show that in my life! If my husband, children, and friends see a woman who is worn out, dreary, and un-interesting - what honor does that bring to God??

So, part of changing is actually doing something about what needs changing. I used to be more active in prayer and bible reading, but sadly, I have neglected this more than I care to admit. I need God. I depend on God. My hope, my strength, my joy - it all comes from God! So God is going to get my attention, my love, and my worship. Prayer and study about God is my primary focus!

I've never been organized. I'm at a loss with it. I never learned this skill. So, for my families sake, I am going to work hard at developing this ability. There are so many good resources out there, so I am confident that with Providence and diligence, I will be much better at this come January 2010!

Finally, I have been wishing that I knew how to sew. Oh, I can repair a small rip or sew on a button, but I haven't put together an outfit on my own - ever. So, I plan to figure out this skill this year. No more wishing... time to do. (Was it Yoda that said "There is no try. Do or do not..."?)

Anyway, these are some of the things that have weighed heavily on me for a while. My relationship with God, my relationship with family, my attitude, and my activity. With God's great mercy and His divine will... I'll be working on these goals!

It amazes me how God uses other people to work out good in you. My darling husband emailed me last week with a plan to read through the bible in a year and to read through Calvin's institutes in a year. We got a couple days behind because of some medical stuff, but we're catching up quickly. It has been so refreshing and amazing to hear the word of God. To go through and read, ponder, and discuss as a family the things written in the Bible - things we've sometimes missed or not fully pondered before. With the bible-reading-in-a-year schedule, it helps to not feel burdened or lost. I'm not sure where he found the institutes plan, but I found this one, and it looks similar/exact to what we are doing.